Paulina Porizkova has a new book of essays coming out called No Filter: The Good, the Bad and the Beautiful. I’m sure it will be raw, Paulina doesn’t hold much back. I’m a fan, it’s interesting for me to see a successful woman willing to allow herself to be vulnerable in a public space as much as she is. I worry about the toll it takes on her, but I think that’s just how she lives her life. Like in this interview to promote her book, she talked about her late husband, Ric Ocasek. Ric and Paulina met when he was 40 and married and she was 19 and at the top of her game. They were married for 28 years before they separated but living together with their two sons. Paulina discovered Ric’s body when she was bringing him coffee. Then she found out he’d tried to squeeze her out of the will because she’d “abandoned” him. She was able to settle the estate legally, but it was a lot of heavy emotions to deal with all at once. Paulina went pretty dark the year following Ric’s death but has comes to terms with it. Now she can miss him but still remind herself what he put her through.
Paulina Porizkova wanted to die in the aftermath of her estranged husband Ric Ocasek’s death.
“I mean, how many people wouldn’t [think about it], you know?” the model, 57, tells Page Six exclusively in an interview promoting her upcoming book of essays, “No Filter: The Good, the Bad and the Beautiful.”
“It’s not even so much that I thought about how to kill myself or when to kill myself; it was just that feeling of, ‘I just don’t know how to go on. I can’t do this anymore. … I just want to go away. I can’t bear waking up tomorrow morning, being the same person with the same feelings. I can’t carry it anymore.’”
“It was really, really hard because obviously, first of all, you’re grieving a person that has been your whole life, the most important person in your life … there was so much pain just stacked up on top of each other … and then this betrayal was a lot,” she tells us.
The “Anna” actress shares that she doesn’t even remember the first year after Ocasek’s death.
“I remember feeling kind of numb for a certain amount of time and then sliding into anger,” she recalls. “And then, for me, it wasn’t like, ‘I love him, I hate him, I love him, I hate him.’ It was more like, ‘You know, I miss him, but look what he did, too.’ Like, how can I miss a man who did this to me? I mean, I still miss him like that. You can’t erase parts of your entire life. It was complicated, and it will probably remain complicated for the rest of my life.”
I was a Cars fan so I liked Ric as an artist but I didn’t know anything about him. I always had a soft spot for his relationship with Paulina because she was stunningly beautiful and he, well let’s just say he wasn’t what I would have thought was her type. So I put them in the “love wins out” category. But then all of this crap came out and I saw him completely differently. I understand where Paulina is coming from with, “I miss him, but look what he did,” though. For one thing, time gives some distance. And I’m sure they had some beautiful moments together. He’s the father of her sons, that probably factors into it. They may have had a better relationship with him, and she doesn’t want to hurt that. It’s probably healthy to remember a person for who they really were, flawed but also important in our lives. I mean, I hope Paulina’s worked through it because there was a lot to process in the wake of Ric’s death.
I haven’t, though. I don’t miss him and just remember what he did. So I don’t really listen to Cars songs the same any more.
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